Happy Birthday Mama: On Unconditional Love

There is fundamentally one thing in this world that we truly can’t deny and that is love. Mom had tons of it.

Often I imagine how lonely the rest of my life will feel without her love and mostly, I spend time seeking it out in others. The truth of the matter is that the love I received from my Mother will never amount to anyone’s love for me, ever. It’s difficult to convince the mind of this and to accept the fact that this void will live here for the rest of my life.

The only thing I am in control of is living my life despite this void and despite this lack of significant, unconditional love. And some days, it’s really hard. Some days, I want to die. Some days, I scream to Mom and I curse at her for not being here to show me that love but most days, I look in the mirror and tell myself that I love myself and I am strong enough to do anything I want in this world.

Navigating through grief is like trekking through a lonely war within your mind. It’s crippling and bloody but there is so much growth, there is so much strength because there was so much love. I feel stronger in my life now than I ever have before and I have her love to thank for that.

So thank you Mommy, for everything you did for Dad, Joey, Danny and I while you were on this Earth - for all of the laughs and adventures, for touching the souls of so many people who continue to share hilarious, heartwarming stories with me, for all of the unconditional love.

And happy birthday, my best friend. I hope there is birthday spumoni up there. I hope that there is tons of it. I hope that someday, I can eat it again with you too.